When you trade your EXPECTATIONS of someone, your partner, spouse, friend, partner for APPRECIATION…I promise your whole world changes in an instant.
I’m sure you are thinking…is it really that simple? Believe it! It is! This is about attitude! YOUR attitude! Your attitude affects your perception of the world around but most importantly, your marriage. And, it affects how you interpret the things that go on around you.
It is quite a different feeling, expecting something, as compared to appreciating something. In one case, you feel owed, and in the other, you feel awed. Think about that for a moment. Expectation is also looking forward to what you hope to gain or looking to the past for what you had or had not received.
Expectation has no room for the present.
Appreciation, on the other hand, is strictly about right here and right now. You appreciate what you have, and what is around you. Setting expectations of your partner is setting them up for failure.
When you have an expectation of something being done a certain way or said a certain way and they don’t do it, they fail, in your eyes. They cannot win! You are basically setting demands of the one you love the most. No one likes demands. And no one follows through on demands.
How will anyone ever live up to YOUR expectations? They won’t so stop expecting and start appreciating. What does this look like? How do you do it? Right now, change your attitude about the situation you are in.
STOP expecting the worse in every situation.
STOP expecting your spouse to do it wrong.
STOP expecting him/her to let you down again.
START appreciating the way they do what they do.
START appreciating their little quirks.
START appreciating their differences from you.
START appreciating them in the little stuff…the really little stuff.
For example: be thankful that he put the milk in the refrigerator or fed the dog. Appreciate the perfume she wears. Do you get it?
START being grateful for everything instead of angry that your expectations weren’t met.
Having an ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE if powerful. Such a simple SECRET SAUCE but so incredibly powerful.
I had a client that could not stop focusing on all the little things her husband was doing wrong in her eyes. It was all she thought about when she was around him. She used to complain about how he would never pick up his dirty laundry. It was always on the floor. She felt so frustrated and used to think he didn’t respect her. Does he think I am the maid or what? You can only imagine what else was going through her mind. Can you imagine the negative energy going on around that laundry stuff?
I encouraged her to change her attitude and to start focusing on showing appreciation. Now, every time he picks up his clothes without her having to ask… She kisses him or maybe gives him a hug out of nowhere. One day she even suggested an improved afternoon nap. Trust me, he quickly made the connection.
I challenge you to really focus for one week on trading EXPECTATIONS for APPRECIATION! Appreciate your spouse in the simplest of things… and see how it begins to transform YOU and your marriage. One week…come on you can do it!
I cannot wait to hear from you about how powerful this was in your marriage. Please email me how it went. firstname.lastname@example.org