Art from Kina CrowAs I fine tune my 8-week relationship workshop program, I smile as I realize how much I “walk the talk” in my marriage. All the skills and disciplines I am teaching to my clients, my hubby and I are applying in our relationship.
Sitting here, thinking about how excited I am to share these tools with my coaching clients, I have a big “aha moment”: These skills are not just there to apply in your marriage- you can and need to apply these same skills and disciplines in every relationship you have! To me this was a slap in the face. Reality hit me hard…
I had to pause for a moment and look deep within.
Recently, I have shut down from someone in my own family. A little over a month ago, I received two hurtful messages from this particular person that really upset me. I chose not to answer in order to not give it any power or play the “she said, I said” game. I was reacting from the place that silence is gold; silence is power. That was my train of thoughts. As the days went by, I shut down the part of me that was hurting and shoved my feelings aside. The wall was up and there was no need to look behind the wall, right?
However, a few days ago, as I was going over some of the program’s modules, I realized that the wall had to come down. I have shown my children how to love, how to love all the parts of someone else, and how to have unconditional love. Yet, here I am, using the hurt as an excuse to put a wall up. Who am I to decide that this person is not worthy of my time, my compassion, my love? Who am I to judge? It was time to come from a place of love and not a place of hurt. At the end of the day, if I am left focusing on the words received earlier, all my emotions triggered are of pain and hurt. Yet, if I choose to focus on the love and on all the parts of her that she is not showing, the emotions are now compassion, empathy and love.
It is not about me and how I feel. It is not about pointing fingers. It is about taking responsibility. It is about aligning with my core values and with who I am as a person. And when I align with this part of me, I can be the bigger person and just let go. Just be. Just love.
I picked up my phone, and showed love, and it was beautiful. The wall is down and the weight is off of my shoulders.
I encourage each one of you to look around in your marriage, in your relationships. Who do you need to have a heart to heart talk with today? Who can you show and share your unconditional love with?