I really like Lyla!
Just wait… the next one is “it is 100 degrees outside and it is 6pm! Crazy!”
And the final one is “I really like this new road”!
Now you may be wondering what on earth I’m talking about and well, let’s back up a month ago…
A month ago I attended a UPW event in Dallas with Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins said there is always someone at the event that decides it is not for him/her…
Well folks, that was my husband! Let’s be authentic here and admit it! Since then, there has been an invisible barrier between us, it’s like we are not in sync anymore… I realized today that I am a threat to my husband. He does not want to look inside himself, he does not want to improve anything. He is perfectly okay with his standards and doesn’t see any reason why we would need to raise our standards or bring any changes in our life. Being a mastery student of TR’s teachings and a Strategic Intervention Coach, I have so many tools available to better ourselves and to live to our full potential. And as I am big on “walking the talk”, I am definitively causing some uncertainty in his life, i.e, this is how I am a threat to him.
So where does this leave us?
I have to dig deep and realize that by living my truth gently but consistently while allowing his soul to walk its own path, we will be okay. More than OK. The road of self-improvement can be pretty rough (as you all know!) and can be pretty lonely.
Today, I was sharing with him some introspection I had about my first childhood memories and how my Mom would always make sure everything looked great from the outside in. – even if inside it was far from the reality we were in-. For example, I failed as a freshman in high school. But we did not acknowledge the failure and we had the perfect explanation ready the following year: that the reason my younger sister was in the same grade as me was simply because she was advanced for her age…. Phew, our honor- or more so our outwards appearance, was saved! On the same topic, we were never sick, we could not cry and definitely not in public…
I can go on and on with examples – we were the “perfect” family……oh, and did I mention that my parents were separated…but no one knew about it? And what about the fact that my dad was terminally ill, and again no one knew about it either…I better stop here as the list is pretty long and scary!
So after reflecting, I realized I’ve struggled with being authentic for most of my life. And as of now, as I am working more than ever on myself, I am scaring off my husband…If I go too deep in details about my limiting beliefs, he gets on the defensive that I would start talking about his beliefs… and here’s where the sentence “I really like Lyla” – our five months old puppy- comes in! He changes the conversation back to safe subjects like the dogs or the weather! I have always wondered why I am so big on “walking the talk” … this lack of being authentic that was part of my first three decades had such a huge impact in my life. It also made me understand that every individual is unique and who are we to think we need to change them or to judge them? It is not our job to change others. We need to change ourselves and by doing so we are inspiring others to become better, to look within. As far as my relationship goes with my husband, I can still be myself, work on myself, and still enjoy us and find common ground. I have learned through the mastery with TR that there are 4 levels of love.
-Level one being “baby love” – you don’t have to do anything to be loved. Just being a baby gets you all the love possible.
-Level two being “Trading love” – you do something for me and I do something for you.
-Level three is “I put my partner first” -when you elevate your partner.
-And finally, level four is “I love you no matter what” -you can compare that to the love you have for your child, unconditional.
The ultimate goal is to be at a level four in your relationship. Being realistic, going from level three to four, back and forth, it is pretty amazing! And yes, we are working on a compelling future together, we are just taking smaller steps…
So, here is to you my hubby: “yes I like Lyla, she is a sunshine in our life, yes the heat is pretty brutal today and thank God they finally finished with the new road”. I love you no matter what, I will not try to change you… but honey, watch me, I will inspire every part of your being to become whom you were destined to be.