When you start to realize that people, family, and friends are walking all over you, you start to reflect on yourself and ask yourself, why?  All I do is help others, and more than often I tend to put them first, before myself, and then they walk all over me… and boy, it hurts- badly.  Tears are rolling down my face as I write this.  I always want to give people another chance and go out of my way to help, because I always tend to seek out the good in others. Yet, nevertheless, over and over, all I get in return is a slap in my face.

 I am tired of being used, and right now I am exhausted.

I have to dig deep in order to make sense of all this.  My first initial reaction is “F*** this!  I am done”.   But after that initial thought, I always have this still voice inside me telling me to just “Be”.  Silence is gold and time heals.  I tell myself I need to learn a lesson from all of this. Whether it is to maybe respect myself more and not let others take advantage of me and my genuine self, or just that not all people no matter how much I seek out the good, are just always going to be giving me a slap in the face.  It is time that I remind myself that I am the most important person in my life and that I need to take care of that person and not treat her like a second thought.  Because that is certainly what others are doing to me.  I am simply a second thought.

Aha, *Light bulb just went on*

I know that in order to get respect you need to give respect.  Yet, this concept has been really bothering me as I know I respect others but feel like I am not getting the respect in return. Respect is a very important value to me.  So I ask myself- “Why I am not getting the respect I am giving others?”  It did not register until now: I respect others, but in doing so, I do not respect myself enough. That is where the mirror is.  This is a huge revelation!

I am very familiar with the mirror principle: most simply put; when you see a behavior in someone, it is because you are familiar with that behavior in your own life.  In this particular instance, the way others treat me is a reflection of how I treat myself, always a second thought and never a priority.  It is time to make some changes, and find out how I can learn from this lesson and put it in my toolbox to help me in the future.

Therefore, my resolutions for today are as follows:

• When being asked to do something for someone, I need to take an hour before I give an answer. During that one hour, it is important to analyze the impact of saying yes and decide if saying yes is really in my best interest, and if not, that is okay.
• I have been allowing others to not be responsible for their own actions by letting them constantly ‘borrow’ money. However, as of now my answer will be NO.  It is time for them to grow up, to take responsibility for their actions and to find a solution, because in the long run it will serve them better even if they don’t like my current answer.
• I will take more time for myself and do the things that makes my heart light, for example going and gettingthat massage or taking the time to read my favorite book on the patio. Just something where I am finally the primary thought, the priority.
• Today is the beginning of a new me, a me that is not an afterthought, a me that is being respected, and this has to start with me learning to respect me.

One of my coaching tools I give to my clients is explaining to them that when you are facing resistance, you automatically grow, even though sometimes it feels like you are being pulled back or pushed down.  The lesson I learned today is a perfect example of this.

So to you that walked all over me today, thank you!  Thank you for the lesson and for helping me realize how I never should be a second thought, not even to myself.

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Carine Kindinger is the founder of and a coach trainer at MyLifeToolbox.com